Hi everyone! I’ve been sitting on this story- waiting for a good moment to share it with you. It’s an adventure tale, there’s a princess, police officers, and a golf course involved.

When Jack was three weeks old, the whole family boarded an aircraft (remember when you could do that?!) and went to Vancouver for my Brother-in-laws wedding. I was exclusively pumping and bottle-feeding Jack, so I was a bit nervous to fly and travel. I always wanted to be one of those confident moms who could breast-feed or pump in public, but alas- I’m shy as hellll

We made it to Vancouver with no trouble and got settled into our air bnb. The day of the wedding I got all dressed up and ready for a beautiful day. My sister and brother-in law are both RCMP officers, so Jack was dressed in a tiny red surge.

I started to feel sort of crappy right before we left the house. I felt like I needed to pump, but I already had, which was strange. By the time we arrived at the beautiful golf course where the wedding was taking place, I was shivering and in a lot of pain.

It was a really beautiful ceremony, the bride looked like a princess and the food was divine, but I wasn’t able to enjoy it because of the throbbing pain that felt like my left boob was about to EXPLODE. I was shaking from the fever (that I didn’t realize I had) and Jack was the fussiest, and puked on his cute outfit.

Mastitis, it turns out, can ruin a perfectly lovely night. My Mother-in-law (the nurse) was ON IT. She went from table to table to see if she could find a nearby clinic that might be open. I saw her from across the room, a lady stood up and followed my MIL to my table.

“SHE FOUND ME A DOCTOR!!!” I thought. Amazing, wonderful, perfect.

“Hi, I’m a massage therapist, I think I can help you”

Wtf.

At this point though, I’m prepared to try anything. She leads me to the deck of the country club, and starts massaging me on the deck. People are walking by, taking in the scene:

One girl sobbing, another holding her hand, and one MASSAGING HER TITS.

Weirdest part? It worked. A night to remember.